Long holiday considered boring but when it's ending soon, we wish it won't end.
College will start soon end of next month, that's where my final year degree will start.
More works, assignments, reports and thesis to be handled soon.
6 months training after the 1st semester, sigh i hate training.
But look on the bright side, I'll be going to France during my final semester for 2 weeks.

Actually so many things have been on my mind lately, since I'm so free at home.
I was thinking about how will i turn out after my studies?
What will happen to me in 10 years time?
Right now, i don't really care about relationship.
More focus on something else.
Like my best friend said why don't you give yourself a break, be single for the time being.
I agreed to him, cause if i were to be in 1, that girl should be like a rebound.
and i'm not so bad like someone to be putting her in that condition.

Been going to gym for 6 months already and not much difference.
Probably because of my eating lifestyle.
Did alot of cardios but still the same.
I guess i need to control what i eat and drink.

Okay then no more whinning since i already don't know what to write anyway.

Does anyone knows what they really want in life?
Well i don't think so, that's why people take risk exploring and experiencing new things.
There's really nothing to lose, but if you didn't take the risk,
You'll probably have this thinking of "what if" and regret that you didn't take the chance.

But once you know that something is bad for you, of course it's time for you to let it go.
Just like love, you let go. If it does come back, and dont leave you again and again, it's yours.
If not it's just another phsycoligal method to get people on their "hook".
"Hook" meaning giving the person a light of hope for you to be together but just for him.
In reality, this kind of person would do anything for that other person because he/she thought he/she might have the chance to be together but it's not gonna happen ever.
Mostly they would use the word "i can't be with you right now" or "i don't know what i want for now".
Sadly i've experience being hooked by one.
After looking back, i feel very stupid and really looked like a fool back then.
That's why if you notice you're being used or the other person only look for you for benefits,
the answer is "Leave and Move On Immediately".
This kind of people only find you when they need you, but when they don't, basically you don't exist, you're only exist when she needs something from you.

So please be careful and don't get yourself "hooked".

A story about a friend of mine,
An insight about him is that he is a selfish guy,

He doesn't have a mother and his father stays far away from him.

He's living with his sister and step brother.

Likes to pretend in front of people, acting cool and being cold to the person he loves.
He even said the meanest things to her and did many wrong doings to her before.
But actually if you know the truth behind those ice cold figure,
He's actually lonely and always cry at night when he's alone in his room.
No matter what he did or said before, he actually does care and love her.
Maybe it's just his way of showing how much he care and love for that person.
He's always there when she needed him, no matter how cold he is, he's still gonna be there,
showing up everytime she calls or messaged him.

Wonder why he's acting like that?
It's because the person he loves isn't with him anymore, she's with someone else.
It's really painful to see someone you love with someone else.
Of course a man's ego is to show that you're doing fine and treating her cold as if you hate her.
Sometime he would just call her just to hear her voice and puts down the phone as soon as she said hello.
Oftenly does it when he's crying in his room, missing that person so much.
He said that he would eventually erase her from his life permanently,
but doesn't seem doing well at it.
Because all he does everyday is looking at her facebook, thinking about her,
wondering what she's doing, is she fine or doing well right now.
It's not as if he has nothing better to do, it's just that he's been with her for a year plus,
well for many people this time frame is short but for him it was very long.
He have met lots of girls before her and after her, dated and coupled with most of them, but of all of those girls, he can only think about her.
Logically speaking, that girl was the first that he felt happy and sad at the same time.
He did many things that he didn't do with others, he didn't felt what he felt with others as well.
Although sometimes his friends tells him that he suffers being with her, but actually he suffered more without her.
Even when he's happy, he'll never be happy like he was with her.
He kept wondering to himself whether one day he could have those moments with her again.
Being happy, sad or any moments, which leads to her being there with him again.

I felt sorry for him, but he told that he is determine to let her go permanently.
He won't wait for her anymore and act like a fool.
Eventhough how much he loves her, eventually he needs to face the ugly truth that she's gone and let her go.
So he's currently struggling to find happiness and ways to erase this bitterness.
Trying not to think of her, making himself occupied, having more responsibilities.
Whenever he has the urge to call her, he would just tell himself that it's over and he need to wake up; and stop acting like a child, because nothing is permanent in this world.
One day everything or everyone will leave you someday, and it's up to you on how you gonna live your life in the future.

Well that's about it for now, a story about a friend of mine.
Kinda sad to see someone being miserable like this but what to do, this is life.
Without challenge there's no meaning to life.

It's been a while since i last blog or talking to this imaginary wall of mine.

In fact i have something to share.
You know when they say "people come and go".
It does happen to me this few months. People do come and go.
When i was dating another girl, this ex of mine appeared again.
Due to confusion and unresolved feelings before made me let go of that girl i was dating.
Well to be honest, we were not on a good terms anyway. So, i guess it was the right thing to do.

Obviously i went back with my ex. Technically not officially, cause she was still with her current bf.
Well this thing we're having lasted only for few days and again i got left like how she did earlier.
But its okay since i don't really put much hope in this and kinda know where we going anyway.
So we became strangers again.

Few weeks later, she was going out with my sis, cause my sis needed her help to go to Johor to meet with her bf. Without my knowing, i was kinda angry at both since my feelings is still hurt.
I did not want to see her nor calling or texting, basically i didn't bother to know her existent.
Knowing me, when she messaged me that time, i was really pissed off.
So, i sent many messaged that was kinda harsh in a way. I don't really mean it when i say that.
It's just my nature to be treating other people that pisses me off.

Few days later, she got admitted into the hospital but nothing serious i guess.
I was worried about her, well if you must know, I'm still in love with her.
Visited her in the hospital with my sis, i bought some daisies for her as well.
Well in front of my sis, i acted cold to her and didn't talk to her at all.
But the next day, i visited her myself and accompanied her.
Taking her out for a walk on the wheelchair.
Buying her some hot dog and drinks since she's been eating hospital food (food sucks).
Basically spending time as if I'm her bf, taking care of her, being there for her.

But when she's been discharge from hospital, i guess i was forgotten in an instant.
Didn't received any calls or messages.
Not a single word from her since then.
I guess she only needed me since she was all alone there.
But the moment she went out, I'm back to where i was.
Being a complete stranger.

That's why people come and go.
People will find you when they needed something.
When they don't, you're just a nobody.
Left forgotten.

But it's okay, i gave up on all those things I've said before.